I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

Thursday Apr 4 @ 05:17am

Wednesday Apr 4 @ 12:51pm

I wish there was a money cheat for real life

Wednesday Apr 4 @ 08:04am


I need a part time job that pays $20,000 per week.

Wednesday Apr 4 @ 07:48am
Wednesday Apr 4 @ 07:47am
Wednesday Apr 4 @ 07:45am


you ever wanna fuck the living shit outta somebody but also cook for them and make sure they’re emotionally stable?

Wednesday Apr 4 @ 07:40am


Ugh, worst song ever. 

if we’re being honest, this was the moment that Emma Stone arrived.

Wednesday Apr 4 @ 07:37am
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